he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
