Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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