So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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