Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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