last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
