I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
