i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
