Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
