Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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