I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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