I feel like abortions should bother me more
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
