Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
