just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize