Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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