I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
