My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just wanna be euthanized