Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."