On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.