Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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