people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
