YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
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We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
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PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster