It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
