is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
