I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
