WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
