I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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