Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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