I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
