There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
