maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
