i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
