I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Hippo gnu deer
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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