I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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