there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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