I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
