Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Sorry about my life...
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
