When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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