actually, I'm a sock model
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
