it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
