Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
