just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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