I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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