is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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