get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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