She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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