I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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