Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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