Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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