She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
where are my eyebrows?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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