i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
