I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
