yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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