Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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