My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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