Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
