I just saw a hot homeless man
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
