I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I love you. Go after that dick
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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