I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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