Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize