dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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