I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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