Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
