oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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