the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
