Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
