If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
