oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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