lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
