I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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