just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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