what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
