i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
this just has baby written all over it
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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