I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Randomize
