You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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