Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
