That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize