Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You are the jesus of drinking
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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