chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
i think i just lost a toe
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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