$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
