I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
