Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
